I'm feeling a little anxious tonight. It's been a long weekend. It seems like the events of last week were a lifetime ago... that day of dumplings and bubble tea...
Before I get to my week, though, I have some news. Do you all remember KHill? I found out that he had a baby in the Spring! I feel like it really is the end of an era. I'm sober. The Stallion has a baby. KHill has a baby... What the fuck is happening...???
Anyway, on Thursday I did what I said I would and finished that incomplete. It's a pretty big deal to me... the first course that I've finished all of the coursework for since Spring 2005! That night I went to AA and then had dinner at Cinema with a new friend afterwards.
On Friday I ate dinner with Hammer and the Alaskan before heading to services for Yom Kippor. It is my third year in a row doing that dinner with Hammer. Services were beautiful. Afterwards I was an insomniac and scrubbed my bathroom to a shine until after 3:00 AM.
On Saturday, I spent a good chunk of time talking to Meema. She's going through a rough patch and needed a friend. That night, NDN and I headed out to Long Island to my Aunt's house to "break the fast" (although I don't think anyone in my family fasted this year!). NDN tried to befriend the man sitting across from us on the train. His name was Nick and he's 10 years sober. I guess we're everywhere!
Later that night NDN and I wandered through Chinatown. I made us follow the same path I walked with Narc on Wednesday. Why? Because I'm fucking crazy. I texted Narc that I was in his neighborhood and he wrote back. But then he dropped our conversation in the middle of an exchange, ignoring my message for five hours, only writing back at 4:00 AM, once it was too late for me to do anything about it. I had so much anxiety that I couldn't sleep and had to pray my way through the night. Meema was over here until nearly 2:30 AM, though, and we attempted to watch Factory Girl.
Today Contessa got married. It was a beautiful ceremony in Central Park (one that moved me to tears!) followed by a formal(ish) lunch at Cafe des Artistes. Overall, a really wonderful wedding. It was nice to get to spend time with GoldenFinch and her husband and BabyBird. And I struck up a good conversation with the guy sitting next to me.
I went to AA tonight and afterwards, out for dinner with the ladies-- Meema, Pixie and StarGazer. We talked and talked and it was good. I felt good afterwards. Not anxious at all.
But it didn't take long after I got home for me to start feeling it again. What is it? Guilt? Change? I hate him.
Anyway, there's a lot more swirling around inside of me... a lot more to say. But I just don't have it in me to say it right now. I'm too busy listening to Laura Branigan sing "I'm over you."
(Just don't tell yourself I'm still in love with you).
um... yeah.
PS: Did anyone else watch Kid Nation? That is one fucking strange show!
love,
h
3 comments:
Yes! Geoff and I watched Kid Nation and loved it. I fell in love with the little boy who sobbed and said, "I think I am too young for this. I am only eight and in the third grade!" That is a lot of self-awareness for a little boy! I wanted to beat up the teen boys on the blue team who were such bullies.
Urgh. I am having a mildly shitty morning. My students are in PE and I just had a conference with a crazy mom who started crying because the class bully ate her son's Texas Toast at lunch on Friday. She has been so sad over it that she let her son sleep with her and her husband all weekend and cried quietly to herself in bed, so as not to worry her angel. Sometimes I hate my job.
I watched Kid Nation last Wednesday. It is strangely compelling. There is one kid on there who reminds me a bit of how I imagine S as a child.
Congrats on your finishing that class. I hope the anxiety lessens. Anxiety sucks!
VJ-- Texas toast? I'm glads she's crying.
Spins-- which one???
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