Sun-Sapped

I think I'm going to try AlAnon. I'm sick of throwing up over Narc-related anxiety. I'm sick, sick, sick and tired of my ridiculous feelings that are not rooted in any sort of reality.

Today was a nice day. I woke up at a decent hour and researched and wrote my lecture on Ancient India/Hinduism/Buddhism. We'll have to see how well it goes over tomorrow with my students. After that I headed into Central Park to meet StarGazer and two other girls from AA with whom I'm not as close.

I'm still not back to myself post-op because I went in the wrong entrance and ended up walking five blocks north and swinging back down around the reservoir and I was exhausted and sweating and weak just from that little walk. I eventually did find the girls on the Great Lawn though. I don't know why I went to the park. I hate the outdoors. I can't fathom why people would play a game like "catch." I especially hate being in the sun. I am firmly convinced that none of those people hanging out in the park are native New Yorkers. I just know it. I'm happier being sun-starved, holed up at home with a cigarette just for the aesthetic effect.

Anyway, I did get some reading done in the park-- mostly German historiography stuff. Then I came back home and tried to eat something (without much success) before turning around to meet Pixie and another friend, "A" at a meeting in Chelsea. I bumped into a newcomer there-- a girl with about seven days who I first met at AA last week. After the meeting she and "A" and another two people and I went out to a diner. It was good for me.

Anyway, I'm home now and tired. The sun has "sapped my strength," as my grandma would have said.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day-- full of work. I'm sort of looking forward to it. Tomorrow is also LilSis' first day of work as an official lawyer. I'll be wishing her luck.

lots of love,
h