In the Shadow

This has been a decidedly strange week. I had a lot of psychic energy leading up to my visit to the doctor on Monday. I think that afterwards I didn't quite know what to do with myself.

I finally turned in all of my grades yesterday, so summer teaching is officially over as well. And that leaves me...

here.

I have always been terrible at self-structuring, I am a little afraid of the next few weeks. I have a lot to deal with in terms of setting things up for myself for the coming semester in terms of my own coursework. I also may have a surgery scheduled with a fairly long recovery period and that would make it difficult to teach the three classes in one day, as I currently have arranged for my fall teaching schedule. So, it is all getting me a little stressed out.

As a result? I napped today. I napped for a really, really long time.

I have plans to hang out with Anxious again this evening... things really seem to be finally healing between the two of us, after years and years of feeling some hostility and tension embedded deep within the friendship. So, I guess that's something to be grateful for.

Other than that, everything is fine... Fine, but not fine. I miss Narc again but am trying not to be an idiot about all that and to hold my tongue. I know he's going to LA next week, though, so it may be quite a while before I hear from him again. I am so tangled and confused on all that, I don't even know what I want anymore.

All I know is that Monday night's cry was long in the making, and in a way, I feel like the past two days have been spent in its shadow, regrouping.

Not much more to say right now, so I'll leave it at that. Feeling drained. Just waiting for the next "thing" to happen now.

Hope you are all well out there.

love,
h