Sometimes I hate my brain.
Tonight is my night for La Bohème and baking. I love this tradition, and this year is no different (except for the fact that I killed several packages of yeast by overheating them). But my brain won't leave me alone. It won't let me rest and be mindless. I'm still stuck wondering about that text message from last night. I'm wondering if he will call me... wishing he will... and then wondering why I wish that. I don't wish it.
Tomorrow night I'm going to have tons and tons and tons of people over here-- all people who care about me. Why do I not have that feeling of relief when any of them call? Why am I so hooked on him? Why can't I get over this? I hate it. I hate it, I hate it!! It's like my brain has to dream up ways to make me think that nothing is right, when in fact, everything is alright. Everything is just fine. If I had a different brain, I might even be content... happy... it could be a perfect night.
But I'm me... so, even through the baking and Bohème I can't breathe and my chest is tight over this bullshit.
love,
h
1 comment:
Take a deep breath and remind yourself again - the people who are coming over CARE about you. Got it? Narc only seems to care when it is convenient for him. It's so evident.
Regardless, I hope you have a wonderful time. You deserve it.
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