So, Narc is back from New Orleans all in one piece (although still with a bruise in the corner of his eye). He texted me yesterday in the morning that he would be arriving in NY at around 6:00 PM and asked if I wanted to come down. I was surprised that he would want to see me on the night of his arrival at home. It's not what I was expecting.
For most of the day yesterday I tried to clean my house-- I say "tried" because it seems like no matter how much work I do, there is still tons to be done in order for it to look even halfway decent.
After the Monday night meditation meeting, I hopped in a cab and headed down to see him. When I got to his lobby, he wasn't home. I can't tell you how it felt-- to think I was being stood up again. I called him, but his phone was off. So, I sat down, stewing, and decided to wait for fifteen minutes before heading home. He called me just a few minutes later. He said he had been having a massage and it went a few minutes over. Ok. That's ok...
But when he got back to his building, he told me that we had to go meet James.
"Huh?"
"He left his stuff at my place when we got back from the airport. Then we both went for massages and now he's waiting for me at the Blue Goose," he explained.
"So, you want to go over there now?"
We walked over. I have to say-- I felt a little uncomfortable and I'm not sure why. But I was glad to see Narc and wanted to throw my arms around him.
Narc held the door for me as we entered the restaurant, which means I was the first to see James and his face lit up with surprise. I guess Narc didn't tell him that we had plans. But he was very gracious and kissed me hello (on both cheeks) and I was feeling even more strange. I asked them about the trip. It was pretty much what I expected-- they were wasted at all hours, drank til 10:00 AM from the night before, went to some strip clubs, etc. But overall, they both seemed pretty bored with the experience. I remember what that feels like-- to be so completely bored with drunken nights out. I have to say, it made me grateful for how much more vivid my life has become since I got sober.
Narc and James both ordered Hungarian goulash and I had some soup. I told Narc I am an "Ophiuchus." We were talking about birthdays.
"Hers is on Wednesday," he told James.
I was relieved that he remembered.
They were talking about some master plan to go away one weekend and get blitzed and then come back and the next weekend go to some spa or retreat and recover and to alternate weekends like that in general.
"Sounds like a life of luxury," I said.
After dinner, James walked us back to Narc's place, but left shortly thereafter. Narc and I watched Borat, which strangely, I had never seen. I thought it was funny, but I also thought it was kind of mean.
We both decided to go to bed early, as he hadn't slept in nearly 30 hours and I had to wake up to teach the next morning. I felt so good being next to him.
"I like sleeping with you," I said.
"Awww..." he pulled me in tighter.
We had sex. I was very content. Very content.
But I know that this is over somewhere inside of me. I know that I'm getting stronger. I know that I have more clarity. And soon, I won't be able to do this game of "make believe" anymore.
Anyway, I left early this morning and now I'm here in my office, about to go to class. There's lots to post about the weekend, but I'll have to get to it later.
Hope you all have a great day!
love,
h
2 comments:
At times I feel as though Narc has a relationship with James that he should be having with you. It's all strange, really. I guess I don't quite understand that whole situation. Anyway, hope it all works out for the best. You are stronger than you know. That is something I hope for you in the new year. Strength.
That is exactly how I remember feeling...knowing I was playing a game of make-believe, and it was only a matter of time before I couldn't play pretend anymore.
Post a Comment