To make a long story short...

I keep thinking that I want to write something about this past week, but I'm really not in the mood to write. Even so, a lot went on for me this week... a lot of internal shifting.

I had an awesome spiritual experience on Monday night. The power of prayer surprised me. I have never believed in things like that. I was finally able to cry. And I think I was visited by the Virgin Mary. Well, not literally, perhaps, but it was pretty awesome. So... Monday night restored me to myself and re-contextualized me in the world.

That night I shut off my phone. The next afternoon, I was in the library trying to read some articles in a rush before class when Narc texted me. He was being provocative and wanted my attention. I wasn't in the mood for any of it. I wanted to read. He left me a voice-mail comprised of heavy breathing and his orgasm. It was weird. In any case, I was off to class and then to AA and then to dinner with my friend Jake, so I couldn't deal with any of that until my day was through.

I went over to Narc's later that night. It was a chill night-- no drunkenness and to bed early. On Wednesday we went out for dumplings and bubble tea and walked around Chinatown to re-sell some of his video games. Afterwards we walked up through Soho and poked around Ricky's. I told him about my "spiritual experience." It just felt like we are friends. I haven't heard from him since, though. I kissed him goodbye just below Houston and headed to a voice lesson.

There was a bitchy woman whose lesson came before mine and she wouldn't get out of there, instead eating up the time that I was scheduled for. When I finally got to sing, I realized how little support I have underneath my ribs now that I've lost a considerable amount of weight. It's amazing that size really does make a significant difference in breath support.

On Wednesday night I met up with a (sort of) newcomer- AA friend at the diner in my neighborhood. She had all sorts of scandalous stories about hooking up with people in our home-group. I am grateful that I stay out of all of that and avoid all the gossip. Ick. What a mess!

On Thursday I taught and then headed to therapy. It was a good session. I can't feel anything anymore. I just can't access my feelings, and we got into a little of that. Later that night I went to AA and then out to LashGirl's 1-year anniversary party (and the after-party that went late into the night). I had a fabulous time at both.

On Friday I braved the rain to meet B at school for coffee and catch-up. And then, last night BigSis and I went to a special MAC event at Bloomingdale's and I walked out with a shitload of makeup. After that, I hung out with NDN, eating linguine and clam sauce and watching Ugly Betty.

Today I went out to Long Island for BigSis' niece's birthday party. She just turned seven and invited over a gaggle of girls for a "High School Musical" themed dress-up and karaoke party. Anyone who knows me will tell you that dress up and karaoke are my two favorite activities. I brought a bag full of wigs and boas and feathered fans for the girls and applied makeup and made them beaded crowns. BigSis and LilSis and my cousin Jail were also there helping out with the festivities.

And now I'm home and watching old episodes of Oz on HBO in-demand. I'm a little anxious that I haven't heard from N in days (even though I don't particularly feel like seeing him). I can't help the anxiety. But I am trying to stay clear headed and keep perspective.

Brick is in town this weekend and we made plans to meet up tomorrow morning. I still haven't heard from him though. I'm pretty sure he's going to flake on me and even though I now know it's typical of him, it still feels pretty awful.

Um... so, that's the quickie update of my week. I'd write more, but like I said-- I'm not in the right frame of mind right now, and if I dwell on anything too much, I'm going to start to think crazy thoughts. So, I think it's in my own best interest to get off the computer, eat some strawberries and get back to Oz.

Good night!

love,
h