Things are getting unmanageable. I lied to my sponsor (several times if you count "by omission"), Narc has taken to pissing all over me (which I'm not sure how to process), and I was out with Narc and James on Sunday night until 6:00 AM. I didn't write my lecture on China, nor have I finished the reading for my German history class. Oh, and I'm falling in love again, only it's different now-- somehow more realistic, which only makes it worse.
I need to salvage what I can. I called Cherubino tonight and fessed up and it felt soooo good. She was great. She helped me put things back in perspective and I forgot why I was afraid to talk to her to begin with.
I need to go to sleep. I didn't go to sleep until 8:00 AM last night/this morning. Tomorrow is my long day. I'm going to have to teach Byzantium and push China to Thursday.
I feel like things are so intense and so intimate with N right now. I feel so accepting. I feel accepted. I hope it's not an illusion. I know that it is temporary.
Anyway, that's it for now.
To bed for this one!
love,
h
PS: Happy Birthday Mr. Rochester! He is 5 years old today. :)
5 comments:
If you aren't into it, don't let him do it. And I mean this in an entirely non-judgmental way. You owe yourself more than that...particularly if you feel this time around it's more realistic.
The relationship between you and Narc reminds me of the relationship between Edward Norton and Helena Bonham Carter in the movie Fight Club. Edward's character often teeters back and forth in the way he treats Helena, partly because he doesn't realize the other personality (Brad Pitt) carries out how he really wants to live. I just saw the movie last night and totally thought of you and Narc instantly. Crazy, huh?
Glad you realized what was going on with you and were able to talk to Cherubino about it. Step 1, every day...
golden showers? Icky.
Happy birthday to Mr Rochester!
Did he get a nice present?!
Ha ha-- Charby you make me laugh.
J, you're right. But I don't know what I think yet.
Abba-- this also made me smile. I'll have to check out the movie again to see what you mean.
Aravis, thanks.
And charbs-- my mom sent him a present-- a cookbook of kitty treats, although I doubt he'll eat them. He doesn't seem to know how to deviate from his usual food.
love,
h
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