Same, Same, Same.

Sometimes I think everything is changing all at once. Sometimes I think nothing is changing at all!

Yesterday was a much better day than Sunday. I went to an afternoon AA meeting with Pixie and afterwards we hung out in Washington Square Park for a long time, just "kickin' it" on a park bench. Later on in the afternoon, Hammer came by to meet me and we went over to the Tea Spot to catch up. From there I headed uptown to Bloomingdale's where I spent more money than I have on MAC makeup and then I went to my regular Monday night meditation meeting.

All in all, a nice day.

Now, I mentioned that the Stallion called me on Sunday night, right? Well, he called back again last night.

"How are you???" I asked, cheerfully.

"Good, good!" he exclaimed. "How 'bout you?"

"Good! So... what's new?"

And then he dropped a bomb.

"Um... well, my mom died yesterday," he said.

I was shocked. I knew his mom has had diabetes for quite some time, but I wasn't expecting him to call me for any other reason than to flirt. I talked to him for a few minutes, and it was strange. He told me that he's angry at his mom and that he was grateful to talk to me and to hear my voice because I was someone "outside" of everyone he's had to talk to about it.

"So... I'm gonna be in NY in a few weeks," he said. "I'd love to see you."

"Um... yeah... sure!" I answered, cautiously.

I mean, what else was I supposed to say? His mom just died. On the other hand, I don't, don't, DON'T want to have sex with him. I also know that I'm "just a girl who can't say no." So, that puts me in a tough spot if I see him. I'm not quite sure what to do or how to handle it. Cherubino told me that I'm not at all obligated to see him. I don't know...

Then, at 6:00 AM my phone rang, waking me from my slumber. I looked at the phone. It was Narc. I didn't pick up. He called back again 15 minutes later, leaving messages both times:

Hey Hyde, it's Narc. Um, just trying you late at night. Early for me, but late at night for you I guess. Um, call me back when you can. Alright. Bye

And then:

Hey Hyde, it's Narc. Um, I found my Powerbook. A little bit of a kick in the ass, I have to report, but um... Yeah, I found my Powerbook. Anyway, um, well, shit, I want something to tell you, but yeah, um... Maybe I'll call you sometime. Um, bye.

And then I got a text message: Where are you!?

Well, that was sort of too much for me, so I wrote back: Sleeping. Out with James again, I presume?

And then he called.

We talked for about fifteen minutes. I told him I couldn't come down because it was daylight and I had to wake up in a few hours. But, overall, the conversation made me laugh. Some of the more interesting points:

Hyde: So, what did you do tonight, Narc?
Narc: I drank a protein drink and got really pumped up and then I went running. I went on an amazing run!
Hyde: (laughing) That's awesome! What else did you do?
Narc: Um... That's it. That's it.
Hyde: That can't be it! Why are you still up at 6:00 AM?
Narc: I don't know... I couldn't sleep.
Hyde: You couldn't sleep? That's all? So, you didn't go out?
Narc: Oh yeah, I went to "Cirque Rouge" with James.

Later he was telling me that he got an advance copy of Bioshock.

Hyde: Is it a good game? Does it live up to your expectations?
Narc: It's so good, you can't even touch my dick while I'm playing it.

Fucking absurd. But, like I said-- at least he had me laughing.

Anyway, we ended the conversation with Narc telling me to come down to see him later on that night. I told him I couldn't make it until after 9:00 PM. I sent him a message to confirm it (just in case he blacked out our conversation) and he wrote back a flurry of texts telling me to "fuck him awake" and other more lewd things that I'll leave off the blog.

And then I went back to sleep until 9:30 AM.

This afternoon, B came to see me, back from his honeymoon. I was feeling nauseated when he first got here, but quickly perked up as we watched Laurence Olivier in the 1939 Wuthering Heights. We had a great time.

After he left, Narc texted me again... something about watching The Pickup Artist on VH1. (It was around 3:30 at this point). I asked if he really wanted me to come over tonight or if it was just a drunk invite.

Call later, was his reply.

OK. But if I'm coming, I want to come straight from AA, I said. So, I'll call a t 8:15 if you could decide by then. Thanks.

He makes me crazy and I'm nearly sick of this crap.

Anyway, tomorrow morning I'm going to have my hair done and then heading out to Long Island for LilSis' rehearsal dinner. I can't believe the wedding is already going to be here on Friday!! Out of town friends and family are starting to arrive tonight. It's going to be a big to do around here...

Well, on that note, I better go try to eat something before heading over to AA. Hope you are all well!

love,
h