The Case Continues

I am exhausted right now! Kind of tired beyond belief. I got very little sleep last night for a variety of reasons, and spent the day being emotionally worn out (in ways I don't really care to discuss). I made some major progress today towards a goal, though. And I suppose if that comes at the expense of some exhaustion, so be it. At around 5:00 PM I collapsed into a nap. I just woke up. It's nearly 8:00.

Before I hit the sheets, I wrote back to Narc's email from yesterday. (Was it really just from yesterday? It feels like I waited a week to respond!) To be fair, I also went onto bn.com and ordered the book that Spins suggested. Anyway, here's what I wrote to him:

Ha ha ha...! You know the PhD is a ways off. The INC's are moving along nicely though. ;)

The conference was actually a really great experience. I was nervous, but I'm glad that I did it. I found that I was pretty good on my feet, even when up against a bonafide "Ruskin scholar" (don't know if you ever read it, but my paper touches on Ruskin). And my advisor is still encouraging me to publish the paper. I just haven't had the time to make the necessary changes yet.

I have been insanely busy, but in a way that feels good. I sang at Carnegie Hall on Monday night... that was fun. I've just been moving along-- teaching, getting some writing done, doing voice, and still going to AA, of course, and changing and growing spiritually every day. That sounds kind of weird to write in an email, but I feel so different these days... even happy! I started to really feel it around the beginning of May. On Saturday I woke up charged and thinking about "fascism" and itching to read. So I did. It was a productive day, work-wise. It doesn't sound "exciting," but I haven't had that feeling in nearly four years. It's as if a fog is lifting. (An alcoholic fog? A depressive fog? Who knows... but I don't think it really matters what or why). I just can't wait to see what happens next.

(And just in case, in my spare time, I'm re-reading Nietzsche's "the Case Against Wagner." Perhaps I will finally eliminate the last of my latent Wagnerism! It's all about "praxis" these days!!!)

Oh-- and some really BIG changes in the works. I'm going to keep quiet on that, though, until I see if it all pans out... probably won't know for another few months.

Anyway... how are you doing "health"-wise? I still worry about you, you know. I'm excited and happy for all of the positive things that are happening on your end. And maybe, if enough time passes between now and when I see you again, you will be making your movie and I will be able to reveal what I have up my sleeve.

Keep in touch...

Lots of love,
Hyde

And then I went to sleep. When I woke up, I had missed a few calls from NDN and had a text from Narc. Huh?

Hey, you have a MacBook now with a built in cam, right? You should add "Narc-1" to your iChat AV, then we can chat!

I repeat... HUH?

If he really wants to see me, he lives three miles away... what is this? My eyes are still sticky from my nap and my head is pounding, as I haven't eaten all afternoon. I need to go to the deli to forage for food. But, I guess I get what I ask for. I still haven't mentioned any of this to Cherubino. Maybe it's time? I'm not sure.

My heart is my heart is my heart.

love,
h