A Day in the Life

I love life on life's terms. I really do.

Today is the seventeenth anniversary of when my dad died. I lost my office keys and was locked out this morning. I couldn't check my email. I taught a class about the "discovery" of the New World and felt white bourgeois guilt at not being able to cover the history of the native civilizations. Then when I got home, my computer crashed.

Luckily, Dan's friends are in the business of saving lives when computers crash, so I called them and they're coming to salvage my hard-drive on Wednesday.

In the afternoon I met Hammer in SoHo. She came with me to the Apple Store. My stomach shot through with pain being there, as it all reminded me too much of Narc, but I bought a computer and it is beautiful. I love it.

Afterwards, Hammer and I ate lunch at a bar/cafe where I once met TT for a date and where Hammer's friend sat and wrote her wedding vows. Hammer helped me carry the computer to a cab, but a bunch of obnoxious girls stole the first cab. Hammer wanted to give them the finger, but sort of chickened out at the last minute.

When I got home, I figured out how to video conference with Hammer and we three-way chatted with the Alaskan and then I had a brief video conference with the Alaskan. I got to show him my enormous Mark Antony poster.

Then I went to my meeting-- a meditation meeting. Everyone was approaching me with hugs and smiles for my upcoming anniversary. When I saw Pilman, I asked him about Brick.

"Have you seen him around?" I asked. "Is he still sober."

"He is," he said.

I can't help but think about Brick these days. Something about that relationship got to me in a really primal way.

So, after meeting with my sponsor briefly, as I walked home, I decided to call him. I remembered that his 90 days were approaching and I left him a message telling him that I am proud of him and can't think of my one year anniversary without thinking of him. Then I went to pick up Chinese food.

Waiting for my order, my phone rang. It was Brick. I hadn't spoken to him in months. It was great to hear his voice. I think I understand now... I understand that he can't be what I wanted him to be and I can't expect it of him. But that doesn't mean that I don't love him. I told him to come to my anniversary watch. He said that he had texted me back when I wrote to him a week or two ago. I never got the text. Ah, the snags in modern communication!

And that's that. I'm going to eat my Chinese food now. And then I'm going to sleep. Perhaps I'll rest a little easier tonight knowing that my father can finally rest in peace. What killed him and what killed his father and what killed probably countless others of my ancestors is not going to kill me. I stopped it. Today was sad and today was glad and today was frustrating and today was happily surprising. It was just life.

A long, long time ago (back in December, '05) I wrote a post about an adventure that NDN and I were seeking one weekend. It prompted a discussion about "adventure" and NDN asked Mr. Mystic what he considered an adventure to be. Mr Mystic replied:

NDN, the simplest way for me to describe my Idea of an Adventure, would be in the dictionary form, “an unusual, exiting, and daring experience. Have I had any? I am in one right now it’s called Life.

I think I finally understand what he means...

love,
h