Toiletries and Song

Finally... a day with a little less drama! Nothing too dramatic has happened in the past few days, but today is the first day I'm feeling grounded and a little more "normal."

I was stood up by a Professor on Tuesday evening, even though I scrambled to get to school between teaching and AA. It was really annoying. After the meeting, I went to the diner with Meema and some others, and then home to use all of my amazing new shower products.

I have been obsessed with smelling like coconut lately. Yes, that's right... I am obsessed with coconut. I have always loved coconuts. We have a long history. Coconut, coconut, coconut. Coconut everything. (Life would be simpler if I actually WERE a coconut). But, the point is, I bought a million coconut/vanilla products at Sabon on Friday and finally got to make luxurious use of them.

Narc wanted me to come down and see him again, but I felt a little guilty leaving my beloved cat for yet another night. I had already slept at his place the previous three nights in a row. I told him I wasn't sure, but then at around midnight, decided to go. I brought him chocolate chip cookies, we watched some TV and then went to bed.

Yesterday I had my voice lesson in the afternoon and worked my ass off singing Pace, pace mio dio. My voice teacher showed me a new technique of holding a scarf around my rib cage to better gauge what's going on with my breathing. I think it's going to really help when I practice. After that, I walked to therapy (which was a pretty long walk), had a great session and then texted Narc. B had invited me to a 6:00 PM concert that night at the Tribeca Arts Center, just a few blocks from where Narc lives. I got out of therapy at 4:00 and didn't really have time to go home, so I asked Narc if I could come back to his place until 5:45 or so.

When I got there, he was pretty much doing the same thing that he had been doing when I left-- wasting time on the Internet. He had gone to Bed, Bath & Beyond to buy a tea kettle. He said he was supposed to meet two writers later to talk about a rewrite for one of his scripts. I hung out on his bed, while he sat at the computer and then we both left together.

Once I got to B's concert, I was very confused. I seemed to be the only one there. The orchestra was up on stage rehearsing and when I caught B's eye, he signaled to me, asking what I was doing there.

You told me 6:00! I signalled back.

It turns out that the concert wasn't scheduled to start until 8:00, and that he had given me the rehearsal time instead. I was a little aggravated, but brushed it off as an honest mistake and settled into a seat in the auditorium with some reading for one of my papers.

I was really proud of B for last night. He has always fantasized about playing the cello and at every orchestra concert we've ever attended, he has been jealous of the cello section. He started playing just a few years ago, and just recently found a beginner level orchestra. It certainly wasn't a very polished performance, to say the least, but I was so happy to see him up there.

There were only two awkward moments in the course of the evening-- the first: B told me that he read my last blog post. I was entirely unaware that he ever bothered to still read my blog, and I felt completely embarrassed that he read all of that "love" stuff about Narc. The second: another friend of his at the concert mistook me for his wife. B quickly told her that I was his "best friend," but I still felt weird about it.

At the intermission, there was a mother and her two kids in the bathroom. One of the little girls, a chubby 6-year-old (or so) with frizzy hair in a cute little ponytail was jumping up and down, urging her mom to hurry up.

"We're gonna miss it! We're gonna miss it, mommy!" she kept saying.

Her mom was basically ignoring her, trying to take care of her little sister.

"Mommy, I don't want to miss it! When I hear music... it makes me want to FLY!" she exclaimed.

It was so beautiful to me-- that this mediocre concert so touched the heart of that little girl. She was filled with such simple appreciation and wonder. I felt like I was going to cry. She reminded me a little bit of myself when I was little and for some reason, that made me feel sad.

Anyway, they made it back to their seats in time, as did I, for the Fauré Requiem. Narc texted me during the intermission that his meeting was done, and asked about the concert. I told him it was only halfway through. At the end, I texted him again, asking if I should come by. He said he wanted to just read and go to bed early. In a way, I was grateful. I think (for the first time ever?) I was a little sick of spending all that time with him.

I'm still confused about where he is on all of that. I can't get the image out of my head, of our two toothbrushes together in his medicine cabinet. They are laying front to back, almost as if they are spooning each other.

In any case, it was good for me to sleep at home last night. I got to catch up on a little more Lost. (Narc has completely left me in the dust and is able to watch new episodes now. I'm still in the middle of Season 3).

This morning he sent me another text:
Finally got James on the phone, at least all that's over with... Ugh, talk about needing a drink...!

I wrote back:
Oh, man! Just be nice to yourself today. It's almost Easter-- death & resurrection are in the air. It's a good thing. And I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. :)

He didn't answer after that. So... I just continued on my day and taught my first class. I'm feeling a little run down, so I kind of can't wait for the day to be over. Maybe I need another date with my coconut body scrub. But overall, everything is okay right now.

love,
h