Yay! So, I made a rather quick recovery. I woke up this morning feeling halfway normal. Thank God for that, because I had stuff I wanted to do today-- namely attend ProfPP's Intellectual History Seminar.
I met Hammer at a cafe near school at 11:30 where we ate a bite for lunch and caught up on her sister's wedding and her trip to FL with the Alaskan. Then we headed over to the seminar. The topic was modernity-- specifically questions of "the acceleration of time" and also whether the idea of "modernity" is a necessary precursor for the idea of "history" as a discipline in its current form. It was the usual group of academics doing their thing, talking around the round table, but a few of the ideas flying by were interesting and I jotted some things down for further thought.
Hammer and I hung out for a few minutes at school after it was over, then we ate some Pinkberry and then I came back home.
Tonight I went to AA-- my first meeting in nearly a week! I really needed it and it felt good to see everyone again. Tomorrow is StarGazer's birthday so a few of us went out after the meeting to an Italian restaurant. I was really tired (as I am still halfway bed-ridden) but I managed to pull it off, as I usually do.
As for Narc, he is still ignoring me and I am trying to deny the fact that it is making me anxious. It is not making me nearly as anxious as it would have made me a year ago or worse-- two years ago! But I can't help it-- I feel bad and twisted and out of control. Control, control, control... when will I accept that I have none and give up on pining for it?
One last item of note for today-- B got his green card!!!!!!!!! For years and years and years I had anxiety that B would be forced to leave the country in the Spring of 2008, when his grad school student visa expires. That date loomed above me like an ominous cloud. Now, 2008 is here, and none of that matters... he's a married man and he has a GREEN CARD! Huzzah! At least that part of me can rest easy tonight.
Well, that's it for now... I'm looking forward to a nice weekend. I'm getting a hair cut tomorrow and Hammer's having a birthday party on Saturday night.
lots of love,
h
3 comments:
You know, Hyde...you do have some control. Not over Narc, but over your reactions to him. And that control is why you aren't feeling as bad as you once would have. You've come a long way, babe.
Ooh, I love what j said; I second that!
I'm glad to hear that you're beginning to feel better, and congrats to B, and to you for the peace of mind it brings to you as well. :0)
"when will I accept that I have none and give up on pining for it?"
Please don't ever give up, you do have it.
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