Settling Storm

Feeling a little better and more myself. Maybe it is the cold weather setting in... Maybe it is the fact that the city is slowly stringing itself up in lights and the windows are bare in preparation for holiday displays. I love it.

I don't feel like summarizing the whole debacle of Tuesday night. The bottom line is that I lent Narc money that he was supposed to give back to me on Monday, he pushed it to Tuesday and then flaked on me and in effect "stood me up." Even so, I had a great time out with my AA friends at the diner on Tuesday evening and I had a long and meaningful talk with Pixie.

After midnight I went to visit PonyTailBoy at the gay piano bar where he works. I hung out there for about an hour or so, but it soon wore thin. I was approached by a very drunk businessman from out of town who politely inquired if he might have access to my lingerie wardrobe. I respectfully declined, but wished him luck finding someone else. From there I popped into Cheers. It was completely empty except for BarMan and two friends who were watching the Sean Connery on Jeopardy! sketches from SNL on youtube. I didn't stay long.

When I woke up yesterday morning I had six missed calls and four very drunk messages from Narc all left at about 3:30 AM. Ugh. More of the same. It's boring even me at this point.

I tried to ignore the knot in my stomach and instead headed to my doctor's appointment.

The good news is that I'm right on schedule with my recovery, all of my blood work checks out and everything is apparently great. Yay.

Narc texted me in the afternoon that he had my money. I told him to "leave it with the doorman."

Later on in the day I had a positively kick-ass voice lesson. I swear, my voice is ten times bigger when I sing in lessons. The Massenet was flowing like liquid gold. I had such a singing high.

Afterwards, I went to hear Pixie speak at a meeting on the Upper East Side. The meeting was in a very rich neighborhood and the meeting room looked like it was a period room straight out of the Met Museum. The crowd was older and most of them were in suits. Pixie and I both looked very "downtown" in comparison, if only just for the sneakers and shabbiness. It was a little intimidating, but cool because once the meeting started the differences melted away.

When I got home last night, Narc called. He said he had the money and could come drop it off, "unless I wanted to come to him."

"No. I don't want to go to your house tonight, Narc," I said flatly.

I wasn't sure how to be about all this, though.

He ended up coming by and I was pretty frank about it. I told him that I felt disrespected and that it was unacceptable, etc. He gave me some excuse about Mercury being in retrograde (which, by the way, ended on Nov. 1). But in the end, he apologized, with a look on his face that told me he really didn't know what to say. I hammered my point in. But perhaps, I should have followed it with some action. Instead, we ordered takeout and he stayed over. He was restless in his sleep and we both woke up before the alarm this morning. Weird. He also told me that he has been having trouble with his heartbeat again and his breathing. He thinks it might be the cold weather. I reminded him that this is the time of year when he got really sick last year. It all scares me too much to think about...

Pixie left her cell phone in a cab last night and whoever found it called me. My neighbor happily volunteered to pick it up since he was headed in that direction. Very cool of him.

Tonight, my friend BahBoy is competing in a "Verdi baritone" competition where Placido Domingo will be one of the judges. So cool. It's too bad I can't go hear him, though, because I have AA.

Anyway, that's it for now. Have to go teach in a couple of minutes.

later...

love,
h