"Believe, Obey, Fight!"

I am absolutely brain-tired to the point of losing my ability to function. So... I think it's time to call it a night in terms of this paper. A few more days of super-hard work like this and I should be able to pull it together. Fascism as form devoid of ideology... that doesn't even make sense to me, but it's sort of what I'm arguing. I don't know... like I said, my brain is about to shut down, so I'm not going to get into it here.

On Friday night the Fauré concert with B was beautiful. Afterwards, Narc came back to my placed (he was in the neighborhood) and we ate dinner/watched TV for a while before going to spend the night at his apartment. He wasn't feeling great, nor was I, so it was a chill night. I did get to try out the new Mario game for Wii. It was pretty cool.

On Saturday morning, we laid around in bed for a while (and played Zelda on the DS and had sex) and then I headed back to my place. That afternoon, I met GoldenFinch at Carnegie Hall. We went for lunch at a French bistro that I like (La Bonne Soupe) and then headed back to the theater to see "Berlin: Symphony of a City" with the Edmund Meisel score arranged for two pianos and percussion. It was pretty amazing. The thing that blew my mind was how much like present-day New York it was... modernity is modernity, I guess.

Afterwards, we grabbed a quick coffee and I headed to Astoria for BigSis' birthday party. It was an awesome evening. My mom gave her a card for each year she's been alive, each with a memory of something that happened that year. (Being the historian and obsessive recorder that I am, I had to help her piece all that together!). After dinner with the family, the party shifted to a wine bar. It was nice to sit and catch up with BigSis' friends, AGrub and English. I didn't get home until pretty late.

This morning I had brunch with NDN. Afterwards we came back to my apartment and tried to get some work done together, but he has been depressed and mostly just wanted to lay around on my couch. I tried to ignore him and that depressive energy and worked a lot on my paper instead. Finally, he and I had a talk and he got a little bit of work done himself. He is in the midst of a job search, having just quit his job, and is in a bit of a dark place.

I'm wondering where Narc is today. I can't believe that even through my brain fatigue and basic thought-obliteration that such a creeping obsessive anxiety can fight its way through... but there it is. I'm wondering why I haven't heard from him.

I need to put my brain to rest now. My eyes are blurring and won't focus for much longer on the computer screen. I want to save some juice for tomorrow.

"Believe, Obey, Fight!" the Italian fascist slogan says... Believe what? Obey what? Fight what? Form without content. It's nothing like Liberté , Egalité , Fraternité ...

Ok. I'm done now.

Good night.

love,
h